Defining Our Own Success in Lieu of a Life Limited
Can we change our perceptions on what success means for us, when we possibly don’t have the opportunity to acquire it? Can we let go of a dream that might be costing us our peace and sanity to pursue? Is the hustle culture of societal norms really something we benefit from? I hear it time and time again, even from my own family sometimes, that you grind until you get there, you risk it all, if not all you have to risk most of it, you sacrifice in the name of the goal, success or whatever it is you have set yourself up to want. But what if we never have the opportunity to risk it because of outside influences? I hear a lot in the spiritual world about creating your own reality, and I think this often sets people up for a life they will be forever yearning for and never having satiated. I know its the push pull of what we can control and what we cant. So when do we actually let go? When do we know its a good time to let go? How do we ever know that maybe in the next try of getting there, there might be the breakthrough we need?
This post will be a little different than a lot of the self help stuff out there. I’m not going to tell you to reach for the stars and keep going until you get there. That’s not my story and I believe that’s not the story of so many others. It’s ok to shift those desires or long term goals you've been attached to for a while. Especially when different incidents or unwarranted life circumstances happen.
Many many people will have issues and disabilities that will divert them from a long held belief about what it means to be successful, and they could be living with a sense of deep failure because of it. I know I am not like the others and I know others are too. I think of my brother who is wheel chair bound, with a brain injury. He doesn’t have a choice or many options. I can imagine he had dreams and aspirations, as he was extremely successful” before the accident, according to the average terms before his accident. Some of us, being born into poverty, extremely broken, dysfunctional or abusive families will have so many issues vying against us that just staying with our heads above water is key, to not succumbing to suicide, severe sickness from an overdose or anything else.
In my life I have traversed breast cancer, severe insomnia, adhd and currently it’s perimenopause. Which research has shown to exacerbate adhd symptoms and vice versa. I keep aspiring in between bouts of sanity, only to be completely broken the next week with self doubt and shame looming above me breaking the cycle of consistency I know is so warranted for a success in the areas I have set up goals for.
It seems we often brush certain groups aside in the mainstream when it comes to goal setting, and aspiring in life. It doesn’t seem that a common narrative is to look towards a life of limitation and be ok with it. The “mundane” or what we would see as mundane and see this mundane living in a way that is glorious in its own right because of the slow, minimalistic observant experiences we could have in the simple life.. We often brush aside the elderly, the disabled, the neurodivergent, the outliers of society when it comes to the creation of these goals we often have as children. My mom told me the other day she was proud of my accomplishments. And I felt a sting. As if I was done with them. Is that it? I was asking myself.
My therapist has recently asked me to define for myself what success means fo me. I surprised myself with the answer as I had just recently left a more “mainstream” group I was part of and felt the burn from it, as if I didn’t fit in. The answers to my therapist's questions made sense as my answer was definitely not in alignment with the way this group functioned. I had held on to being in the group because I was set to do a presentation on a topic I was extremely passionate about, and excited to bring to the table knowing that possibly, many in the group have possibly never considered the information before.
My answer was more mainstream than I wish to admit. No wonder I was trying to fit in. My idea of success was about fitting in. It was about gaining acceptance through having lots of followers and admirers and making lots of money after mastering something. Is it so bad that I wanted these things? I don’t think so, but is it intrinsic to the deeper self I know an love currently? I don’t think so. It can be heartache to let go of a dream you’ve held onto for most of your life, and it can be a long process to let go (as it was in my case), but sometimes it's a necessity. It’s a grieving process to accept where I’m at. Although, this shift in creating a new success story for myself I believe is still relevant and beautiful within itself, in that it seems to highlight what most people are striving for - connection. The respected kind, the admired kind, the desired kind. Connection doesn’t ask for permission to exist, the action itself doesn't need a purpose to feel worthy. We feel worthy while experiencing it, because it's intrinsically rooted in our purpose. My new goals seem so simplistic yet so beautifully divine. We don’t need to define our purpose while it's happening. But Im not talking about the superficial connections devoid of self awareness. Im talking about those connections that can be seen from a place of vulnerability. A place that might bring up feelings of shame and highlight a piece of ourselves we don’t want to look at. It’s the light and dark. It’s the yin and yang. I realize that in creating this goal I have also unearthed a deeply hald value as well. I have narrowed down my goals to something that is ultimately much more aligned to spirit than I possibly could ever have without it. What has happened to me has gotten me here and so often than not we can be reminded of how imperfectly perfect life is. The stuff we label as suffering possibly isn’t suffering at all.
Not only has my lifes path led me to this simple value of connection, If I didn’t have this experience, I wouldn’t be putting these words in front of you now. I wouldn’t do what I actually have always loved doing. Out of the mud the lotus grows. Suffering is the shadow we must embrace. Without it, incredible art and poetry would never have been written. Without it we don’t learn about ourselves. Without it I would not have understood how epically blessed I am to have this insatiable desire to write. Even as a little girl this was what l wanted to do. I also wanted to be a famous writer and I realize that, in wanting that side of things - the desire to be admired for something I had done that I felt was great is only a side note for me now. If it happens it happens if it doesn’t I will always be happy I had the chance to put my voice out there, and maybe just maybe. I can find solace in all of this suffering because I can bring it to someone who can relate to it. Maybe that’s real success. Not only do I get to write I can possibly create a connection, that feels real and soulful, Can we re word the word suffering already, becasue the more I try to keep fitting in, which possibly has to do with abandonment issues (but that’s for another post), the more I will understand myself a little better.
Defining our own success in lieu of a life limited is something we can hold tight to because it’s ours. It’s authentically ours., It’s ok to shift those desires or long term goals you've been attached to for a while. You're still whole in doing so. You're still you at the heart of it all.
