To Sell Out or Not to Sell Out
As I sit here on a Friday afternoon, sipping my coffee and pondering the idea to begin a book series, my mind wanders, in regards to selling out and creating an environment of being on the outside of group acceptance as a whole. I consciously dive into a previous conversation where I reprimanded a friend with her outbursts within a group I facilitate.
My mind flashes to worst case scenarios for doing this, as the group is already small in attendance and this will possibly dwindle the group even further. I keep asking myself “Should I care about this at all?”, and come to the conclusion that focusing on the members who show up consistently, willing and ready to do the work, is the ultimate reward. Even if there are just a few attendees. It still matters. Quality over quantity, is one of my value driven motivators in life, as I try switching up the conscious collective of ‘more is better’.
After having a long and arduous conversation about gurus and spiritual teachers with my husband who is a Buddhist layman. He humorously tells me Buddhist teachers take all the garbage that people have projected onto them and then, often need years of vacation time for recovery - to which I reply well why can’t they make a vacation for themselves everyday and put their foot down and call out the behavior! Doesn’t being kind - to ourselves and others - mean that we create space for someone to grow emotionally and spiritually? IE - not enabling their behavior.
After accepting my own conclusion about this knowing inevitably this confrontation might dissuade the member from ever coming back, I then started down the rabbit hole of the idea of selling out or being authentic. Is it better to be authentic and sell out or if you're lucky enough that your authenticity fits in with the cultural narratives currently being upheld - LUCKY YOU! Selling out won’t even be on the radar. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs authenticity is inherent to fulfillment in life but it's not without its struggles as we often need to grieve the old life we have lived, that has somewhat managed to reward us - yet the rewards were dwindling and here we are.
These ideas of being authentic can also bring great rewards in finding a tribe that ultimately needs you and members within will have the courage to live authentically because of your dedication. These ideas also tie into purpose and the spiritual toxicity of constantly needing to seek it out. When we are able to live in the moment and do something for exactly the purpose of doing it and nothing else, our purpose becomes inherent in existing. We no longer desire to do something than for any other reason than it brings us joy. I have been toying with these ideas and now consider myself a post modern non secular existentialist. Lol. It’s a mouthful but fun to play with as labels seemed inauthentic to me gaining a more authentic self anyways.
Is gaining purpose a true part of authenticity? I would argue no. Do we need a purpose to live or do we need to de-program the beliefs that keep us from acting intuitively. The more we act in cohesion with nature the more we serve our purpose without needing to question it. The trees don’t question their existence, they just exist. Animals are the same. The ecology of the death life cycle is inherent.
Have we lost our way in connecting to our tribe authentically and if so could e ultimately get back to it without needing to sell out in any way yet still live a fulfilling life? According to Mona She, (Medium, 2021)
“For centuries, humanity turned to religion and mythology to find answers to life’s big questions. These narratives offered solace, purpose, and a sense of order in a world that often felt uncontrollable. Belief in a higher power or an afterlife provided meaning and context to human suffering and joy alike.
However, as the modern era unfolded, science, reason, and technology began to eclipse traditional religious frameworks. These advancements brought incredible progress and understanding, but they also left a void. Where religion once provided purpose, science now offered facts, but no emotional reassurance. For many, this shift has deepened feelings of alienation and existential confusion.”
Life can feel meaningless because it seems our only deep connections are often transactional. Instead of friendships and self reflecting we choose therapists. Instead of outings with family we are isolated in patriarchal leanings of coupledom that often isolate us. We often don't seem to, as a society, able to connect on deeper levels without a front. Meet ups or using the gym as an excuse to feign interest in someone. Where is the candidness in lifes interactions. Have we lost the art of connection? Are we so Afraid of rejection and being vulnerable we just opt out of it completely and sit behind computer screen swiping left or right never intending to actually connect. Life feels meaningless sometimes, when we don’t take risks, and then create risks with determinate perimeters that don’t allow for nuance and happenstance. Don’t get me wrong I find joy in cooking, surfing, exercising, creating bonds through this non profit, and others, but there’s a deeper sadness that reverberates the halls of my soul. Knowing that In life, that which is ultimately responsible for our legnthy fulfilled existence are our deep elongated connections, we have compartmentalized connection in a way that defuses all that. Can we find our way back to a simpler way of connecting that nurtures the unconditional love we are all
